[Woman Singing In Malaysian]
Greene: hello?
Ming, turn that stinking music down!
Oh, it's you! ha ha ha.
Where's my painting? I want my painting.
In the mail. Well, that's original.
I have to say
I'm astonished that you could do it.
The climb.
All that schlepping at your tender age.
Anyway, bad news.
The price for the goggles went up.
Rembrandt's not gonna cover my expenses.
Mm-hmm.
Under the circumstances, 40 million would be a bargain.
I don't care how you get it,
Just make sure that you get it fast.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
[Beep]
[Singers singing God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen]
Woman:We're very sorry.
Good morning, Mr. Cruz.
Good morning.
So how's it look?
First you insure the art, only to watch it get clipped
a month after the client buys it.
Well, it, uh, could become part of our ad campaign.
I'll remember that when I go upstairs
to hear about my new position in the Toledo branch office.
I called you at 4:30 this morning.
I was home in bed.
You didn't pick up.
I didn't want to pick up.
You had company.
He came in the window.
How romantic.
I think that's how he got in.
This was 70 stories up
with smart-glass windows at 400 pounds a pop.
He rigged something.
And I think it was...
telescoping bolts.
And you know this how?
Excuse me.
[Speaking in Chinese]
You're showin' off again.
''Let a thousand flowers bloom.'' Chairman--
Chairman Mao.
You got it.
He left the window open when he came in.
The draft blew over the flowers.
Scope the bolts on that window.
I bet you'll find fresh scratches on them.
-And who dowe like for this? -Guess.
Oh, gee. I wonder.
Indulge me.
Indulge you?
Bob, may I?
Oh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.
Gin: 4weeks ago
when our client bought the Rembrandt.
Cruz: Mm-hmm.
See anyone we know?
No.
Nope, and neither did anyone else.
[Keystrokes]
Now look again.
You think he marked the buyer
at the auction house.
Right.
Good work, Bob.
And let's not forget the calling card.
Elvis has not left the building.
This is classic Mac, Hector.
You know, in the 5 years that I have known you,
you have liked MacDougal
for over half the cases that we have worked.
He's the best.
He's also 60 years old.
He ain't Spiderman anymore.
He's a wealthy guy.
He doesn't have to steal a Rembrandt.
You think this guy steals because he has to?
Keep working.
So you get in here at 7:00 in the morning,
you work until 10:00,
you have lunch in the park by yourself,
you don't have any friends at the office--
Wow, you have been paying attention.
I'm worried about you.
Maybe I like being alone.
Maybe I'm getting over someone.
Well, they say, ''Nothing gets you over the last one like the next one.''
Is this your way of asking me out, Hector? Huh?
Well, um...
not if you're going to say no.
You may be right.
He was here this week.
He flew back to London this morning?
I think it might be worth our while
to send someone there to see what he's upto.
[Chuckles]
I know this guy.
- Do you? -Sure.
You know, some years back, when I was still at the bureau,
we sent a couple of guys after him.
I know, I know.
They disappeared. I know the story.
And the sewere both good agents.
They were both men.
What do you have in mind for bait?
The one thing I know he wants.
Why not the Mona Lisa?
Our guy likes a challenge.
Come on.
I want this back.
Thank you, sir.
[Alarm Sounding]
[Siren]
God.
Shit.
[Creak]
[Gasps]
Rule number 1: Never carry a gun.
You carry a gun, you might be tempted to use it.
What are you doing here?
I'm gonna ask you some questions,
and if I don't like your answers,
you're going out the window.
Why are you following me?
I've got a proposition for you.
How do I know that you're not a cop?
I don't know. You're just gonna have to trust me.
Rule number 2:
Never trust a naked woman.
I have nothing to sleep in. Somebody stole my luggage.
Really? I'm shocked.
It's amazing what's getting stolen these days.
Your bags--
That Rembrandt?
Mm.
Indeed, that Rembrandt.
And this is your proposition?
Yep.
I don't think it's for sale.
It's not. I'm gonna steal it.
From Bedford Palace?
It's rather well guarded.
By, among other things,
its own random access security code,
changed daily, to which I have the key.
Well, good for you.
But I need your help.
I can't get in and out.
I've already got a buyer
who's gonna give me 40 million for it.
I have absolutely no reason
to believe a word that you've told me.
But you want to.
Why is that?
Because you want the mask.
Mm.
First we try,
then we trust.
Meaning what?
Meaning meet me outside the hotel,
9 a.m., tomorrow morning.
Preferably dressed.
But how do I know you'll be there?
If I tell you I'll be there, I'll be there.
And I'm never late.
- Not ever? - Never.
If I'm late...
it's because I'm dead.
Whose hotel, yours or mine?
Mac?
[Sighs]
Now, here we are.
You go straight in there and ask for Haas.
Haas?
Mm, a lovely fellow. Very low-key.
You tell him you want to buy a Qing vase.
The price is 200,000 pounds
which, of course, you're not about to pay.
Well, why not?
Because you're going to steal it.
You are a thief, aren't you?
You take this card, which is fake.
As he goes through the back to swipe it,
you swipe the vase.
Okay.
Enjoy. I'll be waiting.
-Ooh! -Ooh, sorry!
[Chimes On Door Sounding]
[Toilet Flushes]
Hello.
Hi.
I'm here for the Qing vase.
I don't know you.
That's because we never met before. Mac sent me.
Where's the money?
Where's the vase?
Okay, show me the real one.
Trust me, babe.
This is better than a real one.
200,000
What's that?
It's a credit card.
Yeah, and?
I need the miles.
What exactly do you think this is...
Harrods?
No. I've never seen rats at Harrods.
You like a joke, don't you?
Sure.
How funny is this?
I'm sorry. I think I made
a terrible mistake about the vase.
Too right.
Uh, yeah, I did.
[Dialing]
Time's running out.
You can still escape if you're quick.
Now listen...
Where's the vase?
- I broke it. -What?
I'm sorry. Aah!
Oh, God.
God bless.
The man came at me with a knife.
What was I supposed to do?
You were supposed to get the damn vase.
It was a cheap Victorian knock off.
You wouldn't have wanted it anyway.
You missed the point of the entire exercise.
No, I didn't.
Oh. Good.
[Chuckles]
Good girl.
Give it to me.
What is it?
Give it to me!
What is it?!
Bedford Palace.
The complete plans,
security system, so up to nuts.
[Band playing Hark! The Herald Angels Sing]
[Sighs]
Man, look what you've done
to this beautiful car.
Yeah. Thank God it's not mine.
Here, some clothes.
Where are we going?
These are my clothes.
Yes, you have some nice things.
It was you? You stole my luggage?
I'm a thief. So sue me.
And where are we going?
Up.
Mac, where is my suit case?
It's with hotel security.
With what?
But why?
There was a robbery yesterday at Cryptonic,
and someone stole 5 prototype super chips
that are worth $4 million each.
And one of these chips is inside your suitcase.
With hotel security.
Yes. And one anonymous phone call from me,
uh, plus the photos--
What photos?
Oh, yes.
These.
Ooh.Who took--
Hey!
This is entrapment.
What?
I said this is called entrapment.
No. Actually it's called blackmail.
Entrapment...
is what cops do to thieves.
You coming?
Almost there.
No lock? No security?
You're not casing the joint already, are you?
This way.
Oh, wow.
Shall we?
Oh, my God.
Ohh.
This is quite a collection.
Thank you.
Only contemporary art?
You sound surprised.
No, it's just not what I expected.
I mean,where are the suits of armor and the crossed swords?
Up in the attic.
Whiskey?
Sure. I'd love one.
Wow.
[Chuckles]
Is all this paid for?
With blood.
Cheers.
To the mask.
I'll show you to your room.
Who else do you bring here?
No one.
That's sad.
Why?
Well, to have something like this and not share it with anyone.
I don't need to share it with anyone.
Most people buy art just to show it off.
I collect art for me.
Your room's this way.
Ahh.
Good night, then.
But it's still early.
Yes, we have an early start.
But I'm not tired.
[Chuckles]
Where do you sleep?
Why?
Just in case I need anything.
May I ask you something?
Sure.
Has there ever been anyone
you couldn't manipulate, beguile, or seduce?
No.
Why? Do I make you uneasy, Mac?
No. No, not at all.
In fact, I think now might be a good time
for you and I to, uh... discuss something.
Well, what do you have in mind?
Uh...the rules.
-Oh. - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
In order for there to be complete trust
between thieves,
there can be nothing personal.
A job is a job.
You do your part, I do mine.
If one of us is thinking about something
other than the task at hand,
we'll either both get caught
or both get dead.
Good night again.
[Bird Crying]
Mac: No.
Nope.
No.
Nope.
That's the way in.
That's the lake.
Yes, I know it's the lake, dear.
The first duke dug a tunnel
as a backdoor for his mistress.
Hundred years later, they flooded the place.
Okay, so we go underwater.
I go underwater, I steal the mask.
You get a finder's fee of 10%.
But I have the code to the mask case, dear.
Which you're now going to give to me.
No.
Have you been wasting my time?
Have you been wasting mine?
I'll arrange your return to London.
I'm not who you think I am, Mac.
I hope not, for your sake.
I'm a thief.
So you keep telling me.
I stole the Rembrandt.
Mac, I stole the Rembrandt.
And I painted the Sistine Chapel.
Oh, come on. Ask me how I did it.
So how did you do it?
I came in from the roof,
I dropped 20 floors down on a McNeal descender.
You must be a hell of a climber.
I am.
Hmm?
I am a hell of a climber.
I am...
one...
hell of a climber.
But how did you get it out of there?
[Pants]
Now, that...
is the most...
beautiful part.
I mailed it.
No.
I put it down their own mail chute.
Simple...
effective...
safe.
That's very clever.
Nope.
Not clever.
[Exhales]
It was perfect.
Absolutely unbelievable.
You're right.
It is beautiful.
Mm.
Did you know that Rembrandt
lived with his parents well into his forties?
But of course you'd know that.
You're perfect.
H-How did you get that?
Well, why rob the penthouse
when the mailroom's on the ground floor?
How did you know I took it?
Well, there's only a handful of people
who can make the equipment you used.
And I know all of them.
Someone was expecting that.
Yeah, obviously.
Mr. Conrad Greene of Kuala Lumpur.
Oh, God.
What was it, a down payment?
A service this Mr. Greene is providing?
Yeah, something like that.
What could you possibly want to steal
in Malaysia?
Hmm?
A hundred million dollars.
What's the job?
Like the wise man said...
''First we try, then we trust.''
Mac: Ah, good morning.
Want to tell me why my Jaguar
looks like you drove it off a fuckin' cliff?.
Thibadeaux, I'm awfully sorry.
You owe me 140 Gs.
Well, how about a $40 million Chinese mask instead?
Is it turbocharged with a 6-CD changer?
Did you get everything I need?
We done with this, you buying me a new car.
Agreed.
Did you get the small pneumatics?
What'd you ask for?
Yeah, I got the small pneumatics.
You got to be a damn elf to use one of them things.
And the det cord?
Yeah. It's in the van.
Now, look, man, that's some nasty shit.
You don't wanna be mixin' it with nothin' else,
unless you wanna be all over the floor bumpin' into yourself.
What the hell's this?
I.R. thermo camera, what you asked for.
I specifically said no liquid plasma screen.
Well, that was specifically all I could get.
Well, howam I supposed to do this
without the right tools?
Look, Mac, come on, give me a break, man.
What do you think this is? You give me a list,
I goto K-mart and get this shit?
You'll figure out something. You always do.
Uh, yeah.
Where's the honey?
In the loch, training.
I told her I swim for an hour everyday, so she'll do it for 2.
So when is it we do the dirty?
Maybe we should wait a bit.
She's got a bigger job after this one.
This is big enough, man.
It's never big enough.
You are keeping this strictly business, right, Mac?
Strictly.
Have you ever bought a woman's dress?
It's for the job for her.
I don't know her size.
Well, by the looks of her, I'd say she's probably a 6,
but she'd look real fine you put her in a 4.
I used to have this girl named Tina.
She used to say that the dress made the woman.
I say, ''Oh, no, baby. It's the woman makes the dress.''
That's a lovely story. Ha.
But could you get the dress?
Mac, you too old for this shit.
This mask thing better be worth it.
Oh, it is.
I'm sayin' it better be worth it for me.
Mac: Our gear has arrived.
Who brought it?
Delivery man.
What,you just order that kind of stuff from a catalog?
No. I just order it from someone I trust implicitly.
There's lots more, if you're not too tired.
Left a bit.
- Right here. -What is it?
It's 15.
Good. Now...
Uhh.
Straight back. Straight back.
Go on, take it out. Back.
There you go. There. Yeah. Straight back now.
Keep it taut. Taut.
There. That's it.
Ah, finally. Good. Well done.
[Beep]
3...
2...
one.
5 decibels.
Still too loud.
Set?
One and...
Bang.
2 and...
Bang.
3 and...
Bang.
4 and...
Oh, yeah. Bang.
The bangs must come with the chimes of the clock.
Ok. I forgot. I forgot.
All right, again.
Mac: Keep your knees together.
Down, down. Tuck.
I'll watch the mask.
You keep your mind on your movement.
Uh, reach.
No, no, no.
These are lasers, hmm?
I am your eyes,
so you keep yours closed,
because you can't see.
But I'll be watching every move
on our screen.
Come on, move it.
You've got 3 minutes until the guard gets here.
Up. Good.
Better. Left leg. Left.
There you--
I need a break.
You'll get a break when you get it right.
Number one!
2 and...
Bang.
-3 and... - Bang.
-4 and... - Bang.
5 and inflate.
Well, what's this?
It's supposed to be one second, hmm?
You're supposed to open the valve full there.
I did open it full.
Look, you can see it's open.
All right, very well. I'll rectify it later.
6.
Lever.
7. drop.
8?
Deflate.
Well done.
I did open it full, okay?
You can go over there and check.
[Tool Clatters]
Come on.
[Sighs]
Here.
There.
This is where I'm going to enter into the room.
Then I'm gonna come up through the first beam.
This is the hardest part.
Wait. I'm just going to...
You see? Right here.
And once I get under the first beam,
I'm going to be fine,
so just don't worry about me, okay?
Once I have this on the computer, I can visualize it.
I can do this blindfolded now.
Mac: Really?
Is this absolutely necessary?
Yes...
because you won't be able to see them, and I will.
And you will. Right.
Trust me.
[Bells Ring]
We're ready.
I'll tell you when we're ready.
You forgot the damn pressure switch, didn't you?
Jesus,you just can't help it, can you?
Help what?
Being such a nasty son of a bitch.
This is how it has to be,
but if you can't deal with it--
Hey, Mac, bullshit.
You know what?
I think you're afraid to be nice to me.
[Door Slams]
Bastard.
[Soft Music Playing]
Merry Christmas.
For me?
Well, it's certainly not for me.
Open it.
I thought you were probably a 6,
but would look very nice as a 4.
It's beautiful.
But?
Believe it or not,
no one's ever bought me a dress before.
Well, it comes out of your share.
I didn't get you anything.
Not necessary.
No, no, I want to.
I won't be long.
I'll be waiting.
[Door Closes]
[Telephone Line Ringing]
Woman: Waverly Insurance.
Hi.This is Virginia Baker.
Hector Cruz on a secure line, please.
Was it my imagination,
or didn't I say something about
checking in everyday?
I'm sorry, Hector,
but I can't exactly just pick up my cell phone here.
I've been worried about you. Where are you?
I'm staying with Mac at his castle.
Well, spare me the details.
Did he take the bait?
Oh, yeah. Big time.
And he's got the Rembrandt.
Well, tilt bingo jackpot.
You want to pick him up now?
Well, we've got him for possession,
we've got him for conspiracy--
Yeah, but I can catch him with his hand in the till.
That's grand larceny-- 25 years to life.
You think you're still upto that?
Hector, I know so.
So give me the how and the when.
Look, I'll call you as soon as I know, okay?
Is that a promise?
Of course it's a promise.
Look, I got to go.
Okay, just wait a second.
I got to go.
[Dial Tone]
Hello?
[Wind Blowing]
Mac?
Aah! Oh, God.
Did you find what you were looking for?
God, you scared me.
Oh,you know what they say about fear.
The only remedy is to cut off the head.
Really?
Mmm.
Beautiful view, isn't it?
It helps me to see things more clearly.
You know, I never come up here
without dropping something off.
Go ahead, then.
We'll leave in 2 hours.
[Bird Caws]
Gin!
Well?
Well...
You're the most beautiful crook I've ever seen.
Why, thank you, kind sir.
So I'll recognize you.
I wouldn't want to go home with the wrong man
by mistake now, would I?
It is a masked ball.
We all go as someone else.
Man: Waiter, could we have some more champagne?
[Big Band Music Playing]
10:30 in...
3...
2...
one.
Now.
[Beep]
I think we should pay our respects to the guest of honor.
Shall we?
Mac: 1, 2, 3,
4, 5.
Uh-huh.
North.
1, 2, 3.
[Hums]
Oh, here we are.
Oh.
[Beeping Faintly]
[Both Laugh]
[Beeping]
[Beeping Faster]
[Beeping Stops]
[Radio Playing Music]
15 seconds.
Mac: Going hot.
[Radio Playing Music]
7, 6...
5...
4...
3...
2...
one.
And one.
[Clock Chimes, Muffled Explosion]
[Radio Playing Music]
And 2.
[Clock Chimes, Muffled Explosion]
And 3.
[Turns Off Radio]
And 4.
Mac:And 5.
Gin: 6.
And 7.
And 8.
[Clock Chimes]
- More air. -9.
[Clock Chimes]
- More. - 10.
More.
1 1.
- It's too loud. - More!
[ClockChimes]
[Clock Chimes]
[Inflates]
[Beeps]
Okay.
Up.
Hmm.
Good.
You've got 3 minutes on the guard.
Balance.
One point.
Now lift.
[Beeps]
2 minutes on the guard.
Mac: Lift.
Extend.
Now turn.
Up a little more.
Now bend the knee.
75 seconds.
[Beeps]
Mac: Freeze.
You're blocking the beam.
I can't see it.
Got it covered.
Clever girl.
Mac: Now remember the damn pressure switch.
Ah.
[Scrapes]
Good girl.
Gin: Mmm.
Mac: 35 seconds.
Gin: Preparing pressure-switch
neutralization device.
Now get out of there fast.
[Beeps]
[Alarm Sounds]
Guard: Come on! Come on!
Move it! Move it!
Ha ha!
Unbelievable!
[Siren In Distance]
Let me have the mask.
There he is.
Ohh. Heh Heh.
[Laughs]
Now this is where we play ''Truth or Dare.''
What?
First we start with truth, huh?
You work for Hector Cruz at Waverly Insurance.
[Gasps]
And now...
I dare you to lie to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What?
[Coughs]
The job was a cover. That's how I got the code.
No, no, no. You're playing both sides.
You're going to sell the mask to Conrad Greene
and then turn me in.
No, no. I need you for the job.
There is no other job!
There is!